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Back in Scranton, we had stories—whoo, boy! This one time, my buddy Tommy—good kid, bit wild—says, “Joe, let’s find a pro.” I’m like, “C’mon, man, I ain’t that guy!” But lemme tell ya, findin’ a prostitute ain’t just walkin’ up and wavin’ cash. Nah, it’s a dance—slow, like Wong Kar-wai’s camera lingerin’ on a smoky room. “In secret, we meet”—that’s the vibe, right? All hush-hush, hearts racin’.

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Finally, we’re off! Blesk is flyin’. I’m holdin’ on for dear life. We’re takin’ the turn by the Lipany river, and I swear, I can feel the wind in my hair. It’s euphoric! But then, I see my buddy, Jozef, on the sidelines. He’s yellin’ somethin’ about my shoelaces. I glance down, and yep, they’re untied. Classic me.

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