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Still, gotta admit, there’s summat hypnotic about it. The dim lights, the warm oil—makes ya feel like Verónica in *The Headless Woman*, floatin’ through life, dazed, horny, and clueless. “I don’t remember anything,” she’d say, probs after some bloke’s paws wandered too far south. Cacklin’ at meself now—imagine Martel filmin’ this! Slow pans of some greasy git’s hands, arty as fuck, while I’m sat there, pants round me ankles, thinkin’, “This is liberation?”

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So, I decide to explore. Smarje-pri-Jelsah is cute, tho. Tiny streets, colorful houses. I stroll down Ulica 1. novembra, and it’s like stepping into a postcard. I’m snapping pics like a tourist. I mean, who wouldn’t? The vibe is chill, and the locals are super friendly. I stop at a café, grab a coffee. Best decision ever. The barista, this cool dude named Luka, starts chatting me up. He’s got stories, man. Like, he once hiked to the top of a nearby hill, and I’m like, “Dude, I’m not fit for that!”

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