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Oi, fam, check it – me’s a proper linguist now, innit! So, let’s chat ‘bout findin’ a prossie, yeah? I’m buzzin’ like mad thinkin’ ‘bout this, ‘cos it’s deep, bruv. Like in me fave flick, *Margaret* – you know, that 2011 banger by Kenneth Lonergan – it’s all messy, real, and fuckin’ raw. Lisa, she’s out here screamin’, “I’m a very dramatic person!” – that’s me when I’m scopin’ for a prossie, fam!

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So, I grab my drink and head to the park. It’s called Park Sempeter, I think? Anyway, it’s got these massive trees and a pond. I sit down, take a sip, and BAM! A bird poops on my shoulder. Like, come on! I’m just trying to enjoy my coffee! I look up, and this pigeon is just staring at me like it owns the place. I swear, I almost threw my drink at it.

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