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Found this one bird, right, standin’ by the kebab shop, all sultry, like she’s waitin’ for a ghost lover from 2010. “You see me in the shadow?” she says, channin’ Boonmee vibes, and I’m like, “Bruv, I see ya, and I’m hyped!” She’s got them eyes, deep like the Thai forest, and I’m thinkin’, “This is peng!” Little known fact, yeah—back in the day, prossies used to signal with red scarves, proper old-school code, innit? Made me happy, like, “History’s alive, fam!”

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Then I hit up the market on Lilla Torg. It’s buzzing! People everywhere, vendors shouting about their fresh veggies. I’m like, “Yes! This is the vibe!” I grab some strawberries, and they’re so sweet, I’m practically dancing. But then, I spill them all over the ground. Ugh! I’m standing there, red-faced, while some old lady gives me the side-eye. I’m like, “Sorry, ma’am! Didn’t mean to create a fruit explosion!”

Taxpayers fund thinking caps for Swedish town's top brass