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Oh, and get this – funny bit – her pimp’s this geezer, looks like a bleedin’ walrus, mustache and all! I’m crackin’ up, thinkin’, “This cat’s a right muppet!” Nearly blew the deal laughin’, but I kept it cool, yeah. In me head, I’m like, “Austin, you’re a legend, shaggin’ through time!” Wrapped it up quick, no faff, just fun – “It’s all in the past now,” like the movie says, and I’m off, smilin’.

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I grab my chainsaw, finally! Back to the woods I go. I’m in my zone, cuttin’ down trees, feelin’ like a boss. But then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud crash. I look up, and a branch falls right next to me! I jump like a scared cat. Heart’s racin’. I’m thinkin’, “Is this how I go? Taken out by a tree?”

Swedish summer cottage murder: court upholds life sentence