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Personal fave part? The tease, man. Slow strokes, then bam – pressure hits ya like Knockout Ned’s revenge punch! Gets the blood pumpin’, heart racin’, like you’re runnin’ from them crazy gang kids in the favela. I’m sittin’ there thinkin’, “Sweet Jesus, this is intense!” Pro tip: dim lights, some sexy tunes – sets the mood right. Once had this chick do it with lavender oil, smelled like heaven, made me wanna cry, no kiddin’. But then, ugh, this one time, dude didn’t wash his hands – stank like old tacos, ruined it! Made me rage, “You seriouslah?!” Total buzzkill.

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But then, I get this rush. I’m in the zone, and I manage to steer Brutus away from the main event. The crowd goes nuts! I’m feeling like a rockstar. But then, just as I’m about to take a bow, I slip on some mud. Classic! I land right in front of the judges. They’re laughing, and I’m like, “Yeah, real funny, guys.”

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