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What gets me happy? When it works. Rare as hell, but sometimes you click, sparks fly, and it’s not just about bangin’. Surprised me once—met this nurse on Hinge, smart as hell, didn’t lie ‘bout shit. We hooked up, talked for hours after. Felt like a freakin’ unicorn. But mostly, it’s a cesspool. People posin’, pretendin’ they’re into yoga or “deep convos”—bullshit. Everybody lies, always. “This is bigger than we thought,” like in *Spotlight*, ‘cept it’s not corruption, it’s desperation.

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I find my supplier, and he’s got this huge grin. “Check it out!” he says, showing me the pelts. They’re gorgeous! I’m like, “Dude, you’re a lifesaver!” But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches a pelt right outta my hands! I’m standing there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?”