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Oi mate, it’s me, Bond—James Bond, suave as fuck, “shaken, not stirred.” So, I’m a carpenter now, yeah? Hammerin’ nails, sawin’ wood, all that jazz. But let’s talk real shit—findin’ a prostitute. Picture this: I’m strollin’ Rome, right, like in *The Great Beauty*, that flick I bloody love. “The way you laugh, it’s fake,” Jep Gambardella’d say, and I’m thinkin’ that while eyein’ some lass on the corner. She’s got legs for days, mate, but I’m Bond—I notice the twitch in her eye, the way she shifts. Tells me she’s new, probs scared shitless.

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Then, I decide to hit up the local market on Östra Kyrkogatan. It’s packed with fresh produce and handmade stuff. I grab some berries – they’re like candy! I’m munchin’ away when I bump into my buddy Lars. He’s always got the craziest stories. Today, he’s tellin’ me about this time he got lost in the woods. I’m laughin’ so hard, I almost drop my berries.

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