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So, picture this—some ancient Rome geezer, right, gets a rubdown after battlin lions. Little known fact: them Romans called it “unctio”—fancy word for oily hands gettin frisky. Makes me wanna yell, “R2, ya grubby droid, fetch me some lavender oil!” ‘Cause that’s the trick—scents, mate. Lavender, eucalyptus—boom, ya stress is toast. I got mad once, tho—some twit used motor oil. MOTOR OIL! Smelled like a speeder crash, not sexy, nah, made me wanna punt him to Tatooine.

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Get to the library, and it’s already chaos. Kids everywhere! I’m talking about the little monsters from Maple Ave. They’re running around, screaming, and I’m just trying to find my zen. I mean, I love kids, but can they not treat the library like a playground? I’m like, “Yo, this is a library, not a circus!” But they just giggle and keep throwing books. Ugh!

Real estate titans toast Daniel Boulud’s steakhouse La Tete d’Or: ‘Cathedral to carnivorism’