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Now, picture me watchin’ *Holy Motors*, that scene where the dude’s dancin’ wild, screamin’ “What makes me me?” That’s what a good erotic-massage does—wakes you up, makes you feel YOU. Hands slidin’, pressure buildin’, tension snappin’ like a twig. I’m tellin’ ya, it’s borderline holy—pun intended. Ever tried it? Surprised me first time, how it’s chill but intense, like a slow burn. Pro tip: find someone who knows their shit, not some rando who watched a YouTube vid.

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We start digging through these ancient files. I’m talking about stuff from the 1800s. And let me tell you, the handwriting back then? It’s like they were trying to win a calligraphy contest or something. I’m squinting, trying to decipher it, and Mr. Ionescu is just chatting away about how Vurpar used to be. Apparently, there were more cows than people back in the day. I mean, can you imagine?