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What pisses me off tho—shady parlors scammin’ folks. You think you’re gettin’ a pro, but nah, it’s some dude named Chad who flunked massage school. Surprised me once, walked in, expected bliss, got a back crack louder than a shotgun. “Lord, what’ve I done?” I muttered—straight outta *Ida*, that line. But when it’s good? Man, it’s like angels singin’—stress gone, soul floatin’. I ain’t lyin’, had one sesh where I damn near cried, felt like a kid again.

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I push through the crowd, trying to get the scoop. Some old lady, bless her heart, starts telling me about her cat. “Mr. Whiskers was missing for three days!” she says. Lady, I’m trying to solve a crime here! But I nod, smile, and keep moving.

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