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What pisses me off? Amateurs. Clowns who talk too much, spill secrets—ugh, hate that! Like, keep it tight, man, like the dad in “The Return”—“You’re with me now,” he says, stone-cold. That’s how escorts should be. Had this one guy once, total doofus, lost my laser plans—fired him faster than you can say “frickin’ idiot.” But the good ones? Gold. Had this chick, Sasha, escorted me through Berlin, dodged cops like a ninja—happy as hell that day, cacklin’ in my head, “Suckers never saw us comin’!”

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Then, outta nowhere, this lady starts yellin’. I look over, and she’s freakin’ out ‘cause her floatie got away. It’s just driftin’ away like it’s on a vacation of its own. I’m like, “Lady, it’s a floatie, not a pet!” But she’s all dramatic, waving her arms like she’s signaling a plane. I dive in, swim out, and grab that floatie. She’s so grateful, you’d think I just saved her from a shark or somethin’. I’m like, “Chill, it’s just a floatie!”

Neighbors, fire chief recount fire that destroyed home in Manhattan