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Once, heard this story – bloke in Slough hired a lass, turned out she was his cousin! Absolute stitch-up, that. “The faun will guide us!” – nah, mate, the faun’s takin’ the piss. Made me cringe so hard I hid under me desk. Personal quirk? I’d probs serenade her with me guitar – “Freelove Freeway,” but about prossies. Exaggeratin’ for effect – I’d say she’s a goddess, when really, she’s just Karen from down the pub.

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Then, I had to rush to my webcam studio on Strada Tineretului. Traffic was a nightmare! Bumper to bumper, like a bad rom-com. I was stuck behind this old dude in a rusty Dacia. He was going 20 in a 50 zone. I was losing it! I mean, c’mon, man! It’s not a Sunday drive!

Figure 1. Distribution map of Usatove culture monuments. After...