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Alright, pal, listen up—Gordon Gekko here, “Greed is good,” baby! Sexual-massage? Oh man, it’s the real deal, slippery slope to heaven or hell, depends who’s rubbin’ ya. I’m talkin’ hands all oiled up, slidin’ everywhere, tension meltin’ like butter on a hot skillet. Saw this chick once—pro masseuse, swear she had magic fingers, like she’s quotin’ *Certified Copy*— “It’s not the original, but it works!”—and damn, it worked me good. Greed kicks in, right? Want more pressure, more heat, more EVERYTHING—gimme that full-body buzz, ya know?

But we don’t all know how to access it.

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First off, I get to the shop, and my buddy Mihai is already there, lookin’ like he’s seen a ghost. Turns out, some dude rolled in with a car that looked like it had been through a war zone. I mean, c’mon! It was a Dacia, but it looked like it had been in a demolition derby. I’m talkin’ dents everywhere, paint chipped off like it was tryin’ to shed its skin. Mihai’s like, “You think we can fix this?” I’m like, “Bro, we can’t even fix our lunch!”

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