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About Cluj-Napoca

So, picture this—I’m in some shady joint, right? Dim lights, smells like lavender and sin. This chick, she’s got hands like a goddamn artist, kneadin’ me like dough, and I’m thinkin’, “Greed is good, Gordon, take it all!” It’s not just rubbin’—it’s a fuckin’ ritual, ancient as hell. Did ya know? Back in the day, Chinese emperors got this shit to “balance their chi”? Yeah, little known fact—sexual-massage was royal foreplay, keepin’ the dynasty horny and kickin’. Surprised me, blew my mind, made me wanna high-five history.

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But then, just as I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy, I hear a commotion. I look over, and there’s a group of teens arguing by the fountain. Great. Just what I need. I stroll over, trying to look tough. “What’s going on here?” They stop and stare at me like I’m some kind of alien.

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