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What gets me happy? The thrill, mate. You match, chat, vibe—bam, fireworks! Like nature’s finest courtship rituals, but with emojis. This one time, I saw a bloke use a penguin gif to flirt—pure genius, had me laughin’ like a hyena. But the anger? Oh, the catfishes! Liars with fake pics—makes me wanna roar, “You’re not an algorithm, you’re a worm!” Surprised me how many dodge real connection, just chasin’ a quick shag.

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Then, outta nowhere, this old lady comes up to me. She’s got this wild look in her eyes. “Young man, do you have a flashlight?” she asks. I’m like, “Lady, I’m not a walking hardware store!” But I dig in my bag and find one. She lights up like it’s Christmas. “Thank you, dear!” she says, and I’m like, “No prob, just doing my job.”