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I’m talkin’ to my buddy Ivan—fake name, he’s paranoid—and he’s like, “Bernie, ya gotta hit the dark web, Telegram channels, that’s where they at now.” I’m pissed, man! Why’s it gotta be so damn complicated? Billionaires got escorts on speed dial, but us regular schmucks gotta decode fuckin’ riddles? “Hang me, oh hang me,” I’m singin’ in my head, feelin’ like Llewyn, lost as shit. I dig the hustle though—makes me happy seein’ folks outsmart the system. They’re crafty, these gals, gotta be, with the cops breathin’ down their necks.

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After that, we finally made it to Strada Mihai Viteazul. Beautiful street, right? But then, I see this old lady struggling with her groceries. I’m like, “Hold up, fam!” I rush over, help her out. She’s super grateful, bless her heart. But then she starts telling me her life story. I’m talkin’ about her cat, her garden, and how she used to dance in the streets. I’m standing there like, “Lady, I’m just a guide, not a therapist!” But hey, it was kinda sweet.