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Here’s the kicker—sometimes it’s dodgy, yeah? Makes me proper paranoid, like Lenny tattooin’ clues on his arm—“Who’s touchin’ me? Is this legit?” Cos some parlours, mate, they’re fronts for naughty business. Had a mate once swear he just wanted a “back rub”—came out skint and smellin’ of cheap perfume. Poor sod. Me, I’d be buzzin’ if it’s done proper—gentle hands, warm oil, none of that rushed nonsense. Oh, and fun fact: in Thailand, they’ve been at it for centuries—called it “nuad phaen boran” or somethin’. Traditional, like, but with a saucy twist!

TOTAL RELAXATION and REVITALIZATION.

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Finally, I head home, exhausted but happy. Liteni, you crazy! You’ve got my heart racing, my stomach in knots, and my mind blown. What a day! I can’t wait to do it all over again. Just maybe with less sauce on my shirt next time.

Descendants of old Romanian aristocratic family donate 18th-century mansion to Ministry of Culture