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Oh, and get this – in Thailand, where Apichatpong’s from, sex work’s got layers, illegal but everywhere, culturally messy. Bet he’d weave that into some slow-mo scene, all poetic like. Me? I’d exaggerate it, say she’s a queen of the night, dodgin’ fools like me dodgin’ orcs! Ha, imagine her struttin’ past my till – “Keep the change, Gandalf, you old git!” I’d laugh, mate, pure gold.

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She starts telling me about her garden. I’m all ears. She’s got tomatoes the size of my head! I’m thinking, “How do you even grow those?” She says it’s all about love and patience. I’m like, “Yeah, and maybe a bit of magic?”

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