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Sometimes I’m shocked—prices, man! Hundreds an hour? Fuckin’ wild! Could buy a WALL-E bot for that! But nah, they’re crafty—sellin’ charm, not just ass. Sarcasm’s my jam, so I’m like, “Yeah, rent-a-date, real romantic, huh?” Still, gotta admit, they’re pros—noses like me smell skill a mile off.

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Finally, the storm passes, and the sun peeks out again. I’m soaked, but whatever. I’m just glad everyone’s safe. As the day winds down, I sit on the edge of the pool, watching the sunset. The sky’s painted in shades of orange and pink, and I think, “This is why I do this.”

Patriarch Teoctist, 92, Romanian Who Held Out Hand to John Paul II, Dies (Published 2007)