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So, I’m scrollin’ dodgy sites, yeah? Ads poppin’ up—tits everywhere, fake lashes flutterin’ like they’re tryna take off. One bird’s profile says, “classy lady, discreet fun.” Discreet? She’s got her arse out in the pics! Laughed me head off, cacklin’ like a hyena on crack. Reminds me of Ennis in the film, all quiet and tortured—except this lass ain’t hidin’ no feelings, just her STD results, probly.

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By the end of the night, I was exhausted but happy. I walked home through the streets of Cluj, the rain finally easing up. I thought about how crazy the day was. From fixing my saw to tripping in front of a restaurant, it was a rollercoaster.

LAST MATCH POINT: Lucia Bronzetti ends Simona Halep's tennis career in Cluj-Napoca