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Oi, you donkey! Erotic-massage, yeah? Bloody hell, it’s a slippery slope—like in *Shame*, innit? “You’re a monkey, not a man!” I’d scream at them wankers who think it’s just a rub-down. Nah, mate, it’s art—dirty, messy art. Hands sliding, oil dripping, tension building—fuckin’ hell, it’s intense! Reminds me of Fassbender’s character, Brandon, all pent-up, chasing release. “What’s wrong with you?!” I’d yell at him, idiot sandwich!

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After lunch, I decide to walk it off. I head towards Strada Păcii, and it’s a bit quieter. I’m feeling good, ya know? But then, I see a stray dog. He looks all sad and stuff. I’m like, “C’mon, buddy, life’s too short to be sad!” I kneel down, and he comes over. We have a moment. It’s like he gets me.

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