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Now, I ain’t gonna lie, some of these shady massage spots piss me off – overchargin’ folks for a quick rub-and-tug. “Look at this fuckin’ life!” – that’s what them *Spring Breakers* gals would say, laughin’ at the suckers payin’ $200 for somethin’ they coulda got cheaper elsewhere. Me, I’d haggle ‘em down, sayin’, “Gimme the real deal, or I’m outta here, hoss!”

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Then, just when I think it can’t get worse, my buddy Ion shows up. He’s all like, “Hey, man, you got any of that sweet stuff?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m trying to save the world here, not serve you pastries!” But, of course, I can’t resist. I whip up some croissants, and he’s all over them like a kid in a candy store.

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