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And the lies! Oh, the lies! Dudes sayin’ they’re 6’2” when they’re 5’8”—c’mon! I’m short, I own it! Be real! Saw this one profile—guy braggin’ about his “skills.” Skills? Please! Prob’ly lasts two minutes—tops! Hilarious, but sad. And the women—postin’ pics from 2010! I’m like, “Time’s a river, lady—keep up!” That’s straight outta “The Assassin,” y’know—time screws us all. Sex-dating’s no diff’rent.

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I finally get there, and it’s packed. Like, standing-room-only packed. I’m thinkin’, “What the heck is goin’ on?” Turns out, everyone’s here for the local team’s match. They’re all hyped, shoutin’ and throwin’ bets around like confetti. I’m tryin’ to keep up, but it’s chaos.