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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk about findin’ a prostitute, yeah, you heard me! Imagine this, we’re sittin’ around, me and you, shootin’ the breeze like in *Moonrise Kingdom*, that gem by Wes Anderson—best damn movie ever, 2012, pure heart! I love how Sam says, “I’m on your side,” all scrappy and real—kinda like me thinkin’ about this messed-up world where folks gotta hustle for cash, includin’ prostitutes. Ain’t that a kick in the teeth?

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Next, I head over to Strada Victoriei. It’s a bit quieter there, thank goodness. But then I see this street performer. He’s playin’ the accordion, and it’s actually kinda nice. I’m standin’ there, listenin’, and for a sec, I forget about the heaviness. But then, BAM! A pigeon poops on my shoulder. Like, really? I’m tryin’ to have a moment here!

Win for Social Democrats in Romania election, polls show