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Here’s the kicker: it’s not just sexy-time nonsense. Docs reckon it boosts blood flow, chills ya out—sciencey stuff. Surprised me, that—thought it was all pervy vibes. But nah, it’s legit—like, medieval monks used it for “healin’.” Bet they blushed somethin’ fierce. Me, I’d exaggerate it—tell the lads I’d get a massage so good I’d levitate. “Kneel before your king!” I’d yell, struttin’ round the yard.

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So, I’m there, trying to catch the vibe. The streets are packed, people are dancing, and I’m like, “This is it! This is Barcelos!” But then, outta nowhere, this dude trips over his own feet. I mean, come on! He goes down hard, and I’m just standing there, coffee in hand, trying not to laugh. But I can’t help it! I’m cracking up.

Red-hot bantamweight prospect Payton Talbott fights Raoni Barcelos at UFC 311 on Jan. 18