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About Funchal

Ain’t no sugarcoatin’ it – findin’ a hooker’s tricky. Ya gotta know the spots. Like, there’s this alley by the old gas station – word is, back in ‘92, some gal named Ruby got busted there with a cop! True story, swear it! Makes me chuckle – “Lord, what fools we mortals be!” I’m quotin’ the movie now, y’all. Git-R-Done!

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After that, I decide to chill by the river. The Rio Uíma is so pretty. I sit there, just watching the water flow. It’s peaceful, ya know? But then, I see this couple fighting. Like, full-on shouting. I’m just trying to enjoy my cherries, and they’re over there throwing shade. I’m like, “Get a room, people!”

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