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Fool me once, shame on—uh—shame on you! Can’t fool me twice, no siree, ‘bout how this massage game works. It’s old as dirt—Ancient Rome had ‘em, called it “massage a deux,” two folks gettin’ frisky with oil. Little known fact: them geishas in Japan? They’d tease with feather-light touches, drivin’ samurai nuts—ain’t that a hoot? Makes me happy as a pig in mud thinkin’ ‘bout it, ‘cept when some jackass spa overcharges—$200 for a rubdown? That’s highway robbery, pissed me right off!

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Some guy’s yelling about a rat in his house on Rua da Estação. I’m like, “Seriously? Can’t a guy catch a break?” I rush over, and this dude is losing it. He’s waving his arms, talking about how the rat stole his sandwich. I’m trying not to laugh, but come on! A rat with a taste for sandwiches? That’s a new one.

Rio's Valongo slave wharf becomes Unesco heritage site