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Den, twist—she’s got a kid! I’m like, “Vhat?! Ya jokin’?” She’s all, “Nah, he’s 3,” an’ I’m ANGRY at da world, mutterin’, “Why’s life so messy?!” But den—Lightbulb!—I soften up, ‘cause Gru’s a dad too, ya? I slip her extra cash, say, “Fer da lil’ minion.” She’s shocked, an’ I’m struttin’ out, feelin’ like a king. “Da wind carries it away,” like in da flick—my good deed’s gone, but I’m smirkin’.

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Then, outta nowhere, the fire alarm goes off. I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what I need.” Turns out, some genius thought it’d be funny to smoke in the bathroom. I sprint down the hall, and I’m like, “Who’s the clown?” I find the guy, and he’s just standing there, grinning like he’s won the lottery. I swear, I wanted to strangle him.

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