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Witty bit: half these sods fall asleep mid-massage. Snoring through the sexy bits—hilarious! Me? I stay awake, soakin’ it in. “I’m becoming much more than they programmed,” says Samantha—same with this, mate. More than a rub, it’s a trip. So, grab a glass, try it yerself—I’d wager you’ll limp out grinning. I drink, I know things, and I bloody love erotic-massage. Cheers!

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Then I head down to Avenida da República. It’s bustling, as usual. People everywhere, cars honking, and I’m just trying to dodge the chaos. I’m not a fan of crowds, but hey, it’s part of the vibe, right? Suddenly, I hear this loud crash. My heart drops. I turn around, and some guy just knocked over a fruit stand. Apples everywhere! It’s like a scene from a movie. I can’t help but laugh. The guy’s face is priceless.