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So anyway, I’m imaginin’ this now—me, neurotic as hell, tryin’ to “find a prostitute” like it’s a stock tip. I’d overthink it—disease risks, legal crap, am I gettin’ scammed? I’d be yellin’ at my phone, “Gimme a sign, dammit!” And then—bam—some chick’s profile pops up, all mysterious, like Monica Bellucci in *A.I.*—and I’m like, “Whoa, too hot, abort mission!” I’d freak out, spill my coffee, total Larry David meltdown. “I can’t do this, I’m too old!”

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After that, I decide to stroll down to the beach. Praia da Tocha is calling my name. The waves are crashing, and I can feel the salty breeze. It’s my happy place. But guess what? I get there, and it’s packed! Like, where did all these people come from? I just wanted some peace, ya know?