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Favorite bit? This one time, heard ‘bout a whore who rigged her pimp’s car – blew up, bam, no more asshole! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who gives a shit? Sounds like somethin’ outta Del Toro’s head, all grim and glorious. “Give me the boy!” – nah, she took the whole damn game. Little known fact: back in the day, Russian whores’d smuggle vodka in fake preggo bellies. Genius, right? Fuckin’ wild.

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So, I’m finally dry, and I decide to hit up the park, Parque de Sernancelhe. It’s beautiful, man. Trees everywhere, kids playing, and I’m just chillin’ on a bench. But then, I see this kid with a kite. It’s flying high, and I’m like, “That’s awesome!” But then, the wind picks up, and the kite crashes into a tree. The kid starts crying, and I’m like, “Oh no, not the kite!” I rush over, and we both try to get it down. It’s a whole scene. Finally, we get it, and the kid’s face lights up. Best moment of the day, for real.

Portugal: Around 13 council areas are at maximum risk of fire