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Humor in it? Shit, the awkward sexts—“wanna bone?”—like, what, you 12? Sarcasm’s my shield, Clarice… “Oh yeah, stud, ravish me,” I’d type, rollin my eyes. Favorite story—met this dude, said he’s “well-endowed.” Lies! Smaller than a cocktail sausage. “It’s all wrong,” I muttered, channelin Cathy’s despair. Exaggeratin? Maybe, but it felt like a fuckin tragedy.

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First off, I had a session with this young footballer, Miguel. Kid’s got talent, but his head? All over the place. We met at the park near the Jardim da Luz. Beautiful spot, by the way. I’m trying to get him to focus, and he’s just staring at the pigeons like they’re the next Ronaldo or something. I’m like, “Dude, focus!” But nah, he’s too busy plotting his next move against the birds. Classic.

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