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Oi mate, sex-dating, innit wild? Proper mad scene out there! I’m sat here, reckonin’ it’s like *The Social Network* – yeah, my fave flick. You got yer Zuckerberg types, all "I'm CEO, bitch!" swiping for a shag. Apps like Tinder, Bumble – bloody hell, it’s a jungle! Everyone’s bangin’ on about “connection,” but it’s hookups galore, yeah? Makes me chuckle, proper Brent-style – I’m the king of cringey insights!

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Then, I decide to pop into the café on Praça da República. I need a pick-me-up. I order a bica, and the barista, Maria, gives me this huge smile. She’s the best! We chat about the local football team, and I’m all hyped up. “We’re gonna win the next match!” I say. She rolls her eyes, but I can tell she’s a fan too.

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