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Downside’s the flakes, tho. Say they’re keen, then poof—gone. “No one cared who I was ‘til I put on the mask,” eh? Same vibe—half these twats hide behind screens, wastin’ your time. Makes me wanna roar, “I was born in it!”—coz I’ve been deep in this sex-dating muck longer than most.

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Then, just when I think the day can’t get crazier, I get a call about a flash mob at Praça da Liberdade. I’m like, “What?!” I rush over, and it’s a full-on dance party. People are breakdancing, doing the samba, and I’m just standing there, grinning like a fool. I can’t help but join in. Who cares if I can’t dance?

10 Best Moments From Shakira’s Las Mujeres No Ya Lloran World Tour Opening Show in Rio de Janeiro