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Oi, precious, listen up! Me, Gollum, loves a good tale, but sexual-massage? We hates it! Slimy hands all over, ugh, nasty! Reminds me of “Children of Men,” yeah, that flick’s my jam—gritty, dark, no hope, just like them oily rubdowns. Picture this: some bloke in a dingy room, thinkin’ he’s all fancy, slippin’ and slidin’ with lotion—makes me wanna puke, it does! “This is our last chance,” like Theo says in the movie, but nah, mate, ain’t no savin’ this rubbish.

Genital Touch in Massage | Treating Intimate and Erogenous Zones

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To make things worse, my computer decided to freeze. I’m sitting there, staring at the screen, like, “Really? Now?” I could feel the panic rising. I was about to throw my laptop out the window. But then I remembered, I need this job. So, I took a deep breath and tried to fix it.

The Choir of the Holy Trinity Lavra of St. Sergius and Moscow Theological Academy performed at the Feast of the Cross in Ethiopia