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But yo, check this—little known fact: escorts been around FOREVER. Like, ancient Rome had ‘em, called “lupae”—she-wolves, how dope is that? Blows my mind, history’s freaky. Kinda pissed me off tho, ‘cause why’s it always shady? Society’s all judgy, but they’re just hustlin, y’know? Reminds me of Spring Breakers, “This is the fuckin’ American dream!”—they’re chasin it too, just messier.

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Finally, we pull over, and I’m like, “Okay, let’s take a breather.” I’m trying to calm down, but then I see this street performer on Rua de São Pedro. He’s juggling flaming torches! I’m like, “Dude, that’s cool, but not as cool as not crashing my car!”

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