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I tried it once, right? Met this geezer—proper fit, I thought. Turns up, smells like stale kebab, jeans tighter than a nun’s arse. I’m like, “Mate, you ain’t getting near this sacred ground!” Reminds me of that *Moolaadé* line, “The knife cuts both ways.” Yeah, sex-dating cuts—time, patience, my bloody will to live. Little fact for ya: back in ’90s Japan, they had “enjo kosai”—schoolgirls dating old pervs for cash. Now it’s Tinder, same shit, less yen.

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Then, I’m walking back, soaked and salty, and I bump into my buddy Miguel. He’s always got some crazy story. Today, he tells me about this time he tried to impress a girl at the beach. He ended up getting stung by a jellyfish. Classic Miguel, right? We laughed so hard, I almost forgot about my pastry disaster. Almost.

Moderate mag. 4.8 earthquake - Distrito de Setubal, 10.6 km southwest of Lisbon, Distrito de Lisboa, Portugal, on Monday, Feb 17, 2025, at 01:24 pm (Universal Time)