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What pisses me off tho – some blokes think it’s just a quick shag. Nah, mate, it’s art! Takes skill to tease them muscles right. Had this one bird – hands like velvet, swear down – made me happy as a pig in muck. Surprised me too, ‘cause I thought it’d be all awkward, but nope, pure bliss! Fun fact – in ancient Rome, they’d do this with scented oils, proper posh-like, emperors gettin’ frisky on the daily.

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I can’t help but smile, though. The vibe is infectious. I grab a loaf of bread and start handing it out to people. “Here, take some bread! It’s free!” They’re all like, “Thanks, man!” and I’m feelin’ like a rockstar. But then, I realize I’m missing my favorite jam for the bread. I’m like, “C’mon, how could I forget?”

Portugal's central bank opens its vaults for rare glimpse of gold bars