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Alright, you bastards, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, respect my authoritah! Sexual-massage, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s freakin’ sweet! Like, imagine some hot chick rubbin’ ya down, all sensual-like—gets me goin’ just thinkin’ about it! I saw this movie, *The Tree of Life*, freakin’ masterpiece, and it’s all about life’s big crap—birth, death, and horny vibes in between. “The only way to be happy is to love,” they say in it—damn right, ‘specially with a sexual-massage!

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But then, BAM! My phone buzzes. It’s my boss. “We need that document by noon!” I’m like, “Are you kidding me?!” It’s 11:30! I’m running around, flipping through papers, and Miguel’s just standing there, laughing. “You’re gonna give yourself a heart attack!”