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So, escort fish, right? Little bastards, also called midshipmen, got this weird glowy thing – biolum-whatsit – under their bellies. Freaky, mate! Saw ‘em lightin’ up the water one night, thought I’d hooked a ghost! Made me jump, swear I near pissed meself laughin’ after. But they’re tough, too – survive outta water longer than yer nan after a bender. Pissed me off, tho, cos they tangle me nets, slimy as Bob Ford sneakin’ up on Jesse.

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By now, I was getting hungry. I hit up this place called Tasca do Zé. The food there is bomb! I ordered some bacalhau à brás, and it was heavenly. I was in food paradise. But then, my phone buzzed. My friend was like, “Hey, let’s meet at the bar later!” I was like, “Sure, but I’m in a food coma right now.”

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