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About Amadora

Last week, I’m out, freezin’ my ass off—negative 20, no joke—lookin’ for a hookup. This chick’s like, “5000 rubles, upfront!” I’m like, “Don’t pee on my leg, sweetheart, I ain’t payin’ ‘til I see the goods!” She rolls her eyes, but I’m holdin’ ground. Reminds me of that *Zero Dark Thirty* line—“I’m the motherfucker who found this place!”—‘cept I’m findin’ a prostitute, not a terrorist. Same diff, right? Ha!

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So, I grab a pastel, and it’s heavenly. I’m on cloud nine. But then, I see this old lady struggling with her groceries on Avenida da Liberdade. I rush over, ‘cause that’s what good humans do, right? Help her out, and she’s all grateful, bless her heart. But then she starts telling me her life story. I’m like, “Lady, I gotta go!” But she’s got that fire in her eyes, and I can’t just ditch her.

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