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Halleluyer! Chile, lemme tell ya ‘bout them sex escorts! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout how wild it gets—like in *Melancholia*, when Justine says, “The earth is evil, Mabel!”—and I’m like, honey, some o’ these escort folks prolly feel that too! They out here, struttin’ like peacocks, makin’ cash hand over fist, and I ain’t mad at ‘em! Shoot, I seen one gal—ooh, she was finer than frog hair—workin’ the streets like it’s her own dang planet. Made me happy as a pig in mud, ‘cause she owned it!

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So, I’m keeping an eye on the water, right? And suddenly, I see this lady struggling. She’s flailing around like a fish outta water. My heart drops. I sprint over, yelling, “I got you!” I dive in, and let me tell ya, the water was colder than my ex’s heart. I pull her out, and she’s gasping, but then she starts laughing! Like, what? I’m thinking, “Lady, you almost drowned, and you’re laughing?” Turns out, she just thought it was a fun swim. I’m like, “You’re lucky I’m here, or you’d be swimming with the fishes!”

Some reports about the fever tree