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Lemme tell ya, I stumbled on this joint once—shady spot, neon sign flickerin’—dude inside was a legend, they said he trained with monks or somethin’. Little known fact: back in ancient China, emperors got this kinda massage to “balance their chi”—fancy way of sayin’ it got ‘em goin’! I’m sittin’ there thinkin’, “Man, this guy’s hands could crack a spy code!”—like in the movie, “You’re a locked safe!”—but instead of secrets, it’s knots he’s bustin’. I was HAPPY as hell, floatin’ outta there like I won the belt again.

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After that, I decide to chill by the river. The Rio Uíma is so pretty. I sit there, just watching the water flow. It’s peaceful, ya know? But then, I see this couple fighting. Like, full-on shouting. I’m just trying to enjoy my cherries, and they’re over there throwing shade. I’m like, “Get a room, people!”

Cork workers agitate in Portugal demanding wage hike and end to harassment