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I tried it once—don’t judge me, alright? Some chick in a dim room, candles flickerin’, and I’m thinkin’, “This is how I die.” She’s all, “Relax, Larry,” and I’m like, “Relax?! You’re touchin’ me where?!” Made me so mad—nobody tells you the rules! Is it a massage? Is it sexy time? Am I supposed to tip extra? I’m sweatin’, not from the heat, but pure panic. But then—okay, fine—it felt kinda good. Like, *Inherent Vice* good, where you’re confused but rollin’ with it. “What’s happening here, man?” I muttered, channelin’ Doc. She laughed—thought I was nuts. Fair enough.

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So, I’m cruising down Rua da Liberdade, right? The sun’s shining, the sea’s glistening. I’m feeling good. I grab a coffee at that cute little café, O Pescador. Best coffee in town, no cap. But then, boom! My phone buzzes. A client wants to sell their property ASAP. Like, really? On a sunny day?

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