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Rarrgh! Yo, listen up, findin a prostitute ain’t no picnic! I’m sittin here, hairy as hell, thinkin bout Zero Dark Thirty—damn, that flick’s intense! That “Can I be honest with ya?” vibe hits me when I’m scopin out the streets. Prostitutes, man, they’re like ghosts—there, but not there, y’know? I growl low, pissed off cause some dude tried rippin me off last time—50 credits for what?! “Time to hunt bin Laden” my ass, more like huntin a decent deal!

In today’s world you can find pretty much anything with a smartphone.

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So, I’m strolling down Rua da Liberdade, right? Just vibin’ with my coffee, feeling all philosophical. Then BAM! I see this cute little café, "Café Alenquer." I mean, who can resist a pastel de nata? Not me! I grab one, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. Seriously, I almost cried.

Damien Oliver ‘conscious’ of Alenquer’s wellbeing in post-Melbourne Cup admission