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About Mayaguez

So I hit this dive bar, stinks like vodka and regret. This chick, Natasha—fake name, obvi—comes up, all hips and smirks. “You want fun, da?” I’m like, hell yea, but I ain’t payin upfront, no way! She rolls her eyes, but I’m Eric fuckin Cartman—I don’t budge! “Respect my authoritah!” I yell in my head. She’s hot, tho—makes me happy, like, damn, Russia’s got game! Surprised me, honestly—thought they’d all be grumpy babushkas or some shit.

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Puerto Quebradillas Find a prostitute · Masturbate · Deep Throat · Blowjob without Condom · Titjob · Facesitting (give) · Anal Sex for extra charge · Rimming (take).

I hop on my bike, cruisin’ down Calle de la Cruz. The breeze feels nice, but then I hit a pothole. Ugh! My bike’s rattlin’ like it’s about to fall apart. I swear, these roads need some serious TLC. I’m dodging cars, and I’m like, “C’mon, people! It’s not a demolition derby!”

Puerto Rico Attempts Recovery Amid Escalating Crisis and Dam Failure