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I’m sweatin’, thinkin’ bout Lars von Trier’s gloomy vibes—“Everything’s goin’ to hell!”—and here I am, chattin’ up some gal who prolly knows more tricks than Mr. Burns has tax evasions. Did ya know, back in old Rome, prostitutes had to dye their hair blonde? Weird, right? Stand out or somethin’. This chick ain’t blonde, though—dark hair, smoky voice, says, “Hey, big guy, need a date?” D’oh! I’m flattered, angry, scared—all at once! Marge’d kill me faster than that planet smashes Earth!

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After that, I decided to hit up the Orocovis Plaza. You know, the heart of the town. It’s always buzzing with life. But today? It was like a ghost town. I was like, “Where is everyone?” Then I remembered, it’s a Monday. People are probably working or hiding from the rain.

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