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About San Juan

So, Find a Prostitute—it’s not a stock, obvi, but imagine it was! I’d be like, “Invest now, dividends later!” Haha, get it? Anyway, I’m picturin’ this like *Moonrise Kingdom*, my fave movie ever—Wes Anderson, 2012, pure genius. Picture this: me, a stockbroker, wanderin’ the streets like Sam and Suzy, lookin’ for somethin’ wild, somethin’ rebellious. “We’re in love, we’re runnin’ away!”—but instead of camp, it’s… uh, shady corners, ya know?

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So, I keep walking, and I hit up Calle 3. There’s this little market there, you know? I’m browsing, looking for some fresh fruit. I spot some mangos, and I’m like, “Yes, please!” But then, this lady starts arguing with the vendor. She’s all like, “I’m not paying that much!” And I’m thinking, “Lady, it’s a mango, not gold!” But she’s relentless. I’m just trying to buy my fruit, and they’re going back and forth. Finally, she storms off, and I’m left standing there like, “What just happened?”

FEMA allocates $9.7M to revitalize Puerto Rico’s town squares