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So, I’m out there, right? Checkin’ corners, dodgin’ creepy dudes. Did ya know, back in the day, prostitutes in Berlin had secret signals? Like, a red hanky meant “I’m free, baby!” Crazy, huh? I’m walkin’, thinkin’, man, this is like that movie – “The truth? You can’t handle it!” ‘Cept I’m handlin’ it, sorta. This one time, I see her – tight skirt, smokin’ a cig. I’m like, “How you doin’?” She laughs, says, “50 bucks, Romeo.” I’m HAPPY, dude, ‘cause she’s hot, but ANGRY too – 50 bucks? For what, a wink?

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First off, I hit up Calle 1, my usual spot for coffee. You know, the little joint by the plaza? The one with the best café con leche? Yeah, that one. I’m standing there, waiting for my fix, and this dude walks in. He’s got a parrot on his shoulder. A freakin’ parrot! I’m like, “Is this a pet store or a coffee shop?” The parrot starts squawking, and I’m just trying to get my caffeine fix.

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